so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
