life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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