Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize