OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
