life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
