You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
