Umm I'm too high to move.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
