If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The uberlube is also flammable
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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