If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize