It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
