I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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