I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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