He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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