I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
