i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
