i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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