Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
