I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
