i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
