Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
