Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
