Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she peed on how many people?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
