I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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