To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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