pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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