You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize