He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
