he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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