Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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