Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
