Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
