ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
