forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
