she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize