I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
