I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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