Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
