btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
