1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
