I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
