3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
