other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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