hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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