Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
