I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
