I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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