I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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