yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
