Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
