Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
