i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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