she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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