ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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