Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
