He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
