why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
