What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize