...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
