it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The air was thick with penises
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
