I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
