i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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