My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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