I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
