So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
