Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
