Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
