I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
