i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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