Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
